I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
