I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
