he wants to bone in the snuggie
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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