Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
