I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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