I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
