Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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