i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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