Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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