You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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