I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
