i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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