Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My bed smells like the plague
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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