What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
time to smoke my breakfast
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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