guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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