Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
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I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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