worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
