dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
