Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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