I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
