8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
