it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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