Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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