You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
