theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
