Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
