last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
