We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
