I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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