I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
