Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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