I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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