My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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