I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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