My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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