Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I wish life had little blips of pornography
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
