I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I know her cup size but not her name....
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
