Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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