I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
