you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
