Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
