i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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