the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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