Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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