I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
