If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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