Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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