I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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