Taylor Swift is so right about you.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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