At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You dont lie about slip and slides
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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