I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
