u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
