he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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