Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize