The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
