WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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