Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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