well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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