so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
