I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
