Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
