I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
